incompetence.

I learned something from this program in the past two weeks. I had a situation with a staff person that frustrated me so much this past week. The only thing that I could think about was how much other people’s incompetence infuriates me. I knew that I would get this way at times but I never really processed this thought until this past week. I had to, repeatedly, tell myself that I too make mistakes and everyone is allowed to make them. I can’t get mad at others unless it is 1. Intentional or 2. I become perfect and never again make a mistake. Since neither one is true (especially in this situation) I have to learn to extend forgiveness, understanding and grace. The thing that bothered me is even after I went through this thought process, I still had a hard time letting go of the fact that someone else acted in ignorance and as a result I have been treated unjust and carelessly. I had a hard time forgetting the fact that I had gone above and beyond to prevent something like what happened and I still ended up being blamed for the way that things turned out. I was disappointed in my anger and my strong feelings – why is forgiveness so hard for me to give at times and plentiful at others? I went on to think and process about other times when other people’s incompetence has made me VERY quick to anger – it is a pattern for me. I tried to step back and objectively decide if I had a double standard – do I get mad at others for making mistakes and then ignore my own? I then was brought to the fact that I do not let go of my own mistakes. I, in fact, avoid situations in which I could make a mistake that would otherwise upset me. The mistakes that I have made…I work at letting go of and forgiving myself for all the time. Even ones that were made over 10 years ago. So…I have a thing with mistakes, not necessarily failure, but mistakes, ignorance and incompetence. What do I do? I have no idea.